- Two chats on tinder today, which I ended after:
- No.1 Are you dirty?
- No.2 How many drinks to get your pants off?
- No wonder I've missed S all this time, he was the only one who's saw me as more than just a fuck.
- A year since I met him this weekend & I'm off out in the same part of town, will probably end up in the same bar. I'm either brave or stupid.
Do you know that feeling?
When you’re just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into your room,
close the door, fall into bed,
and just let everything out that you kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you’re tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
be there and tell you it’s okay.
But no one’s going to be there.
And you know you have to be strong
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you’re tired of waiting.
Tired of having to be that one to fix yourself and everyone else.
Tired of being strong.
And just for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple. To be helped. To be saved.
But you know you won’t be.
But you’re still hoping.
And you’re still wishing.
And you’re still staying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes.
- Option one: stay in on a friday night & be sad.
- Option two: go on a date with a bit of a random, who's not gonna be my kind of guy, but the stories might be funny.
- Picked option two.
It hurts really bad right before it gets good.
My sunday night & monday (minus the smokes). It still hurts, but it’s not as pointy and the tears have gone or I can stop them before they arrive. And at least that stupid hope has gone now.
Never leave someone hanging, just grow a pair, be decent & end things properly. Hope, even the tiniest drop is a complete bastard.
I have a date on friday. He’s a bit wild & will probably think me a complete bore, but looking forward not backwards now.
Thank you for the virtual hugs my Tumblr friend, you’re awesome :’) x
Just breathe, this is only temporary.
- Had a date today, I think it was a date, he seemed a bit nervous & asked for my number at the end anyway. Who knows.
- But I always think of how easy it was between S & me when I've met up with someone else, terrified I'll never find that again. So, because I deleted his number, I looked him up on facebook. We'd never FB'd each other but wasn't hard to find him. Or that he's seeing someone else now. They look really cute together. Cried for a couple of mins but now just a bit numb. Kind of want to go out & get drunk & dance & snog someone. Kind of just want to fall asleep & wake up tomorrow & get on with my life. Why have I spent so long being sad over him? I don't even know why I'm typing this, here, to no one. Probably because it's too late to text anyone & I'm scared that once I stop I'll fall apart.